I just came across an awesome article on a symposium aimed at devising strategies to reduce crime in South Africa, penned by Jenni O’Grady for the MG. Whilst reading it I was having flashbacks to my days as the owner of a speak-easy in which wise guys could come and sample a taste of my famous rum - why you may ask? Well one of the strategies raised to alleviate crime was to “make the 24 hours around payday an alcohol-free day,” said Barbara Holtmann, a research director at the Council for Scientific and Industrial Research.” (O’ Grady, 2008) Interessant ne?

Never mind the fact that bergies are quite clearly outwitting their sober criminal counterparts, the most fearful of all statements was - ” a figure of 47% of murder victims tested positive for alcohol at the time of death, as did 66% of trauma victims, while 50% of rape victims were found to be either drunk or high at the time of their incident, particularly young girls.” (O’ Grady, 2008) I’m a man of many words, but to this I’ll just say “fucking hell”. Yes, if whilst reading this one of your brain cells literally imploded, I will not be held responsible!

Let us get a little analytical here - perhaps even apply some sociological thought to this matter - if one in every two victims of violent crime are under the influence then a) how would the prohibition of alcohol reduce / increase this stat and b) to what extent does it matter that they were drinking?

I’ll tackle (a) first; if one operates on the basis that to reduce crime, we ought to place more strict regulatory controls on the sale of alcohol are we not then suggesting that predominantly those who are already drinking are most likely to perpetrate crime? What shall we do about the billions of rands which target young males and females in the form of advertising? Many of which aim at providing unattainable gender oriented goals i.e. hegemonic / archetypal masculinity (bravado, strength, power, success with women) and place their audience at a distinct disadvantage by reminding them that to socialize sans alcohol (think of beer ads) is in fact not socializing at all. Forget a ban on smoking, I want to see the regulation of public alcohol advertising, my advice to question (a) regulate advertising and let those drinkers who are already hooked, drink, laws will simply make them more determined and conscious of their decision to do so and inspire the youth to think of alcohol as an act of defiance.

Secondly, my response to (b) what does it matter that they were drinking in the first place? Why bother testing to test the victim of a rape for her / his blood alcohol level - if it were mitigating evidence then sure go for it - maybe the rapist will rot in jail for two less years. Are we as South Africans so jaded to crime that we now want stats to perhaps explain why we as South Africans are prone to violent crime, because we were smashed and high and were thus in some way easy targets. Bullshit! Until someone can argue that under the influence you are a “lesser - victim” than say a sober individual then I’m going to suggest we deal with crime as a menace to all of us, drinkers / druggies and non-drinkers / clean individuals alike!

So I’ll leave it there, and will go back to my speak - easy, because the liquor’s prohibited in my phantasy and yet it seems to be pouring from my taps just fine. Oh look someone has been shot, must’ve been the booze, never mind then, alls well that ends well!

Solution to issue : Regulate alcohol advertising, flight it late at night with the dodgy trash on tv so only those “midnight-marauders” looking for filth will find it.