My mom always used to tell me that alcohol was a terrible, terrible thing. I finally believe her. One dark night (because nights usually are dark) I got absolutely smashed on vodka while sitting at home watching Lethal Weapon. As I descended deeper into inebriation, my thirst for entertainment grew to the point that I got my sober friend to drive me to the video store to rent something to quench my need for amazing movie content. After stumbling around the store for fifteen minutes (that video shop girl hates me now), attempting to read the box covers, I eventually picked up “Grudge 3″. Wow. The lettering on the box was so big, I could actually read it. I haven’t seen any of the other Grudge movies but my drunken assumption was that each instalment in the series would be better than the last.

I was wrong.

First of all, there’s a lot of talky stuff. The heros (or whatever they are) seem to talk pointless shit for ages. Then the burpy Japanese woman attacks. Of course, the screen goes black at the most crucial gory moment so you never get to experience the true horror as promised by the cover. It’s like getting the biggest Christmas present ever under the tree and come Christmas morning you discover your grandmother found a bulk sale on socks. It’s like that. Only you probably won’t hate your grandmother as much you’ll hate the makers of this movie.

Anyway, this isn’t really a movie review. It’s a warning. Don’t drink vodka. It really messes up your ability to pick decent movies. Also, if you ever see a spaz Japanese woman suffering from gas, just run. If you lie on the carpet waiting for her to drag her burpy ass over to you, she’ll kill you.

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