A few months ago I got this lovely message from Albeena :
Hello!
It’s a great pleasure to write you.
Do not think that this letter is a mistake. I do write you.
I want to explain the reason of my writing. And tell you a few words about myself. Please, do not be afraid of my letter. That is not spam.
Well, first of all, my name is Albeena. I’m 32. I’m single and do not have children. I live in Russia in the city Murom.
There were a lot of different moments in my life; there was happiness, sorrow, joy and disappointment. But now I face a great problem, it is a problem of loneliness. I was married but at this moment I am a widow. I couldn’t believe it for a long time … I couldn’t believe that I’m alone…
You know, after my husband’s death I was loyal to him but now I’ve realized that life goes on and I should continue my life as well. However for me the word “to live” is to be with a loved person and give him all my love.
That is why I addressed the international agency Dating. It is in my city Murom. I wrote a letter to you and left my photo. Well, I suppose, if you read this letter it means that the manager of the agency wrote you. His duty is to inform you and to find right partners to each other.
So, I’ll continue writing about myself. I’m looking for serious relations. I’m looking for a man who will be able to love me and to love me as I am. A person who will be able to love my inner world, my body, my appearance, well, to love me all.
My picture will help you to get a first impression about me.
As for me, I’d like to say that my heart is open for a new love story. I realized that I have to live, to love and be loved. I want to live and enjoy this life, but not alone. And I want to make it with you.
I’d like to say that age difference is nothing for me. It doesn’t mean anything. It is much more important what personality a man has.
What concerns me, I’m affectionate and considerate. I’m fond of cooking and doing housework. However I also have a desire to have adventures. I love pets as well.
I want it so much to make our correspondence possible.
I will be very happy to see your letters at my e-mail.
Wish you all the best.
Take care.
Your Albeena.
My reply :
Dear Albeena
I am currently working as an under cover agent for an international organization. My job is to infiltrate and investigate foreign corporations and take them down. Thats right, I take them down. Down to funky town. I really need to know, do you like danger? Cos it’s my middle name. Some people are scared of me, damn straight, they should be, I’ve killed 17 men, a moose, and several small rodents with my bare hands (my teeth in the case of the rodents). I know you’re thinking, what is this? I’m thinking it too. Some girls can’t handle the man I am. I’m tough as nails, like, nails. I think that the world needs men like me, men who are willing to bust their balls open (sometimes literally) to make things right. I stand for justice, and the American dream of having a taco in one hand and a handgun in the other. Sometimes a chainsaw. Depends if I have bullets. Sometimes I don’t, then its the chainsaw. If I don’t have gas, then its the teeth. Aw shit, I’ve said too much. I’m all embarrassed now, like a school girl, who’s just killed her first man, with a chainsaw by mistake, or with her teeth.
Anyway, I love you. I love you in the morning, I love you in the evening, I love you when it’s monkey time, I love you when it’s not. If you love me, then you know what to do. Do the dishes. And when I say bring me a sandwich, you bring me the goddamn sandwich, else its your balls, on a sandwich.
yeh
Bye
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